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Coach William Joseph, LLC

Individuals - Relationships - Parent & Family

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  • William Joseph, B.S., B.C.C

Top 10 Signs It's Time to Move on From a Relationship

How do you know when it’s time to move on? Many of us have been in toxic relationships and it takes a lot of courage to let go of what no longer serves you. In no particular order, here are the top 10 signs that its time to move on from a relationship:


1. You don’t feel supported or listened to

Communication breakdown is often one of the first signs that it’s the beginning of the end for your relationship. Not feeling accepted by your partner brings up feelings of resentment and inadequacy. Feeling unheard and not listened to serves to damage the entire foundation your partnership is built on. When you and your partner start becoming dismissive of each other, it may be time to seek help learning how to communicate or it can spell the beginning of the end.


2. You don’t trust each other anymore

Trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. It forms the foundation that every other part of the relationship comes from. When trust breaks down, honesty and vulnerability are quick to follow. If someone is hiding things, being evasive or you feel like you can’t be yourself around them, then it may be time to seek help or decide whether the relationship is worth keeping.


3. There’s a loss of emotional or physical intimacy in the relationship

Relationships usually start with a spark, something that draws the two of you together. Losing that emotional connection or basing the relationship solely on sexual attraction sets you up for needing to get that connection elsewhere. If that spark is gone and there's no hope of recovering it, then it may be time to consider your options.


4. There is constant fighting or disagreements

Arguments and disagreements are normal, but constant fighting is unhealthy. This is especially true if those fights are left unresolved. Relationships are like a scale. There are always going to be ups and downs, but overall they should remain mostly balanced. The problems occur when that balance is upset and the scale swings too far in the negative direction. It may be time when you see the relationship remaining consistently negative and see less and less of the positive.


5. You find yourself holding grudges

When you have two people in a relationship, there are going to be disagreements and miscommunications. The healthiest thing you can do is to discuss the issue, forgive each other and move on. When you stop doing so, the relationship becomes a lot more transactional and you find yourself stuck in the past. When you start holding grudges instead of forgiving, those past events will often get brought into current arguments thereby escalating the situation. It may be time to reevaluate the situation when you start thinking tit for tat and only wanting to do something for someone if they do something first.


6. The relationship feels controlling

Relationships are a partnership that requires an equal share of power. If you feel controlled in a way you don’t consent to, then there’s an issue. Decisions should never be made only by one person or without gaining the other person’s input. If your decisions are constantly overridden, then your relationship may need reassessment. Mutual respect for your and your partner’s feelings is critical. Controlling behaviors in a relationship only serve to isolate the person being controlled and cuts them off from their support network.


7. You spend too much together

Spending too much time together is another behavior that can serve to isolate you. It erodes your sense of self making it difficult to stay in touch with your resources. When this happens, you become dependent on your partner for your own happiness and identity. Spending time with yourself, with your friends, with your hobbies is critical. Who is in your support network? Who can you reach out to when troubled? If you tell me who your friends are, I can tell you who you are. If your partner doesn’t like your friends, or you don’t like there’s, it’s very likely that there is an issue in your relationship. Your support network and resources should never include only your partner and your partner should never try to make it so.


8. Your relationship feels one-sided

This one goes back to our scale analogy. One-sided relationships are unbalanced by their very nature. In these kinds of relationships, planning is one-directional and sharing is usually only from one person. You find yourself giving more than you are getting back leaving you feeling taken for granted. This is often seen with whichever partner primarily keeps the home. In most of society, this is women, but not always. When your partner is unwilling to be a partner, it leaves you carrying the entire mental or emotional load for your relationship or household. Making sure both partners are contributing equally long term. Life happens and sometimes one partner will have to take on more than their fair sure of the work, but this should never be a long-term solution. If the relationship stays skewed, then you'll want to make a decision on whether you can live with that.


9. You have nothing in common anymore

What brought you and your partner together? What was the initial spark that told, “Yes, they’re the one!” Shared experiences and values are the grout that holds your foundation together. If you no longer have anything in common, then it eats away at the binding that hold your foundation of trust together. If this is the case in your relationship, then you may want to ask yourself why have those commonalities fallen away? If there’s no way to reignite that fire and passion, then it may be the end.


10. They are mean or abusive to you or other people

This is last on our list, but far from the least important. How people treat others is often a reflection of who they are as a person. If your partner regularly puts toxicity out into the world, then they are more likely to bring that into your life and relationship as well. If you have children, how the two of you treat each other will reflect in your children’s relationships in a healthy or unhealthy way. If you wouldn’t want your child in the type of relationship you’re in, then that’s a major red flag that it’s time to go.


Please remember, no one ever has the right to abuse you, hurt you, or otherwise violate your consent. The contact information for the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and the local resource directory are listed below. If you or your children feel unsafe or are being abused, please reach out to your local support groups so you can develop a safety plan for leaving.


Resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

www.thehotline.org

(800) 799-SAFE (7233)


Local Assistance

www.211.org

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